Smugness

Is it acceptable to feel smug when you hear a song about a break up and moving on?

The definition for smug is - Exhibiting or feeling great or offensive satisfaction with oneself or with one's situation; self-righteously complacent.

 Let me explain myself.  I was listening to the radio on the way to work this morning and I am sure this will not come as a surprise to anyone, but the radio station I listen too plays a lot of Adele.  I am nearing 40, so I am in the right demographic for Adele, 80’s flash backs and ads for baby products and investment seminars.  Often when I turn my radio on while having breakfast they kindly play hits from the 80’s.  I love the 80’s.  In the past weeks, I have been woken up with Manic Monday (which was appropriately played on a Monday – it really annoys me when they play this song on any other day), Wake Me Up Before You Go Go, and Footloose (which is an all-time favourite of mine and will get me up and dancing no matter where I am).

I digressed, so  Adele is played a lot – but I don’t mind, I like her – I even purchased her album last year.  I loved her Rolling in the Deep song, but I have to say my favourite Adele song is Someone like you.  I love the lyrics -

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

I love them because they make me feel smug.   I have  "the smug look of a toad breakfasting on fat marsh flies" (William Pearson) when I hear this song.

I sing this song at the top of my voice and with more passion than Adele (or maybe just louder and more off key than Adele) and I imagine myself in a film clip for the song – that is showing my Husband and I sitting in front of a fire with our daughter when we hear a knock at the door and it is Adele – who is in my fantasy film clip as my husbands ex (I need to state for the record that my Husband did not date Adele and this is all purely in my head).  In my head she is begging him to come back to her and he is saying no thanks – I am happily married now with a  family.  I sit there all smug in the film clip or in the car or at my desk, where ever I hear the song – thinking yes – I am the one that made his dreams come true – I was the one that could give him the things she couldn’t!

I feel so smug when I hear the song.  But occasionally I wonder what my husband's ex would think when she heard this song – would she be thinking that nasty girl that stole him away from me and married him?  Again for the record, they had broken up way before we meet and I have never met her – but of course in my mind she is a horrible, evil, nasty thing that is obviously very stupid for giving up such a great guy.

I also wonder if this song had been released when I was single or still in the eating nothing back chocolate ice cream in my PJs through my salty tears phase of a break up – would this song have made me sad or even angry – thinking that there is someone out there that could give a guy something that I couldn’t.

I have had some exs and even though you think it is the end of the world when you break up – you have to admit if you were meant to be together you wouldn’t be breaking up – so I think Adele has expressed this very well – everyone breaks up for a reason.  But gee at the time of a break up – you don’t see it like that.

Her line about I hoped that if you had seen my face you would be reminded.  How many times have we and I know it is just not me, sat there eating the chocolate ice cream plotting a way to get them back – trying to remember their schedule to accidently on purpose turn up on the same train as them or the same pub – in hope that they just need to see you to remember and then it will all be ok.  I have realised that if you have to plot or over think it then the relationship was not worth it.

But this brings me to my next thought which has plagued me for years.  Do we get so upset when there is a break up because we truly believe the relationship shouldn’t break up or is it the fear of failure or simply our egos.  Is it the humiliation of having to tell people to use those words – we broke up or I am now single which crushes our ego?  Or are we truly sad and believe that we should remain together?

If a relationship is bad enough to cause a break up – for whatever reason, shouldn’t we just let it go and move on rather than trying to protect our egos and pride.

I think there are probably a lot of realtionships that stay together for ego protection and to avoid what is perceived as humiliation rather than staying together for love.

Suprisingly I don’t have a lot of time on my hands these days with my daughter, but give me a great song to dissect and I will do it – it is like reading poetry and discussing it, only I just like the songs that make me dance, cry or feel smug.

I also like the song “I like big butts, and I can not lie” – that one makes me feel smug if I imagine my husband singing it!

What a start to the day

What a start to my day .... 


I used full cream milk (fat milk) in my breakfast instead of skinny milk - and oh it tasted good.  


Then I got every red light on the way to work and had to contend with a bus with an over-sense of entitlement who wanted to bully all us little cars off the road.  I wanted to fight him, but you have to pick your battles don't you - bus vs small hatch - he was always going to win - even if I could have outsmarted him with words - he had a few more tonne on me!


Then I managed to spill my water all down my shirt just as my boss arrived to say good morning.  Now I am waiting for him to announce me for the next achievement award - he must be so proud of his competent staff and the way I can handle a water bottle.


Never mind, I don't come her for the career - I only come to clean out my messy handbag of all the half eaten baby biscuits, toys, unopened bills and those pesky shopping dockets.


The day can only improve....

Hope everyone out there in cyber land is having a good day.

Wednesday night ... aaahhh

Wednesday nights are my night to myself.  


My day has consisted of:

• work all day, 
• a visit to the beach and the park after work with my daughter, 
• plus done a bit of grocery shopping, 

The witching hours are over - she is feed and bathed, read too and now she is sound asleep in her bed and my husband is out at his Ancient Roman Plumbing course - so the night is mine.


 I could watch the Olympics or catch up on some reading, have a relaxing bubble bath - but instead I am going to tackle this mess.



I am posting this to make everyone else feel better about there Wednesday night kitchens.

Does yours look as bad as this?

Where did you steal that baby from?

My husband is still getting used to "playground politics".  He reports in after his and my daughter's daily trip to the park.

We rate his park experience based on if any of the mothers spoke to him, or if any grandparents chatted to him, or if the other Dads conversed.  Sadly there are often not any other Dad’s at the park.  However it is more fun to rate the looks or comments pertaining to trying to work out where he stole that child from?

He has an advantage over me when it comes to matching up the parent and the child.  Our daughter is the spitting image of her Daddy – everyone comments about how much alike they are, from colouring to features and even the smile or facial expressions. 

But to the mothers at the park – they must not see the resemblance.

I am wondering how long it will take for them to accept that there is such a thing as a Stay At Home Dad.

Does his job title - SAHD - threaten them?

I have given him a few lessons on opening lines – he had no trouble when single with opening lines – but life is different now – and those opening lines from his single bar hopping days, aren’t going to cut it in the playground.

I have told him to keep the opening lines/questions purely about the child/children they are looking after. 

Don’t ask...

Where do you live?

Is this your local park?

Do you come here often?

Basically no questions that look like he is about to stalk them or off load his daughter for free babysitting.

Do say...

How old is your baby/child?

Great to see the sun out again – we missed coming to the park while it was raining.

Anything child or park related is ok.

We are still trying to work out – are they uncomfortable talking to a Dad at the park because they think he is

• Unemployed
• In a gay relationship
• Trying to pick them up
• Been left the child in a divorce or is a widow
• Or their Husbands wouldn't approve?

He is starting to think the grandparents are more accepting of him -  which brings us to the debate over if it is generational thing – as grandparents are more likely to say hello to you on a walk or in the supermarket then people your own age.

We grew up learning about stranger danger – or maybe these mums are so young that unless you are friends on Facebook first you can’t have a conversation with a stranger in the park.

I should tell you my Husband and I are both introverts – we don’t like huge parties or crowds – but my Husband is a very friendly man and loves to have a good old yarn – so this park politics is doing his head in – especially as we seem to have an extrovert daughter who loves to chase the older kids at the park.  She is like a Chihuahua chasing a Great Dane.  We assume she does this because she has a million older cousins – and has decided they are much more fun than kids her own age or she is trying to get my Husband to make friends with the kids mums.

I am leaning towards the park politics being that the Mums’ feel uncomfortable initiating conversation, to avoid looking like they are trying to pick my Husband up - I find him very good looking and a good catch (so unless I am bias I can see why they are concerned - lol).  The only reason I don’t make that my final answer, is because we have been at the supermarket or on plane trips and women will flock to my husband when he and my daughter are alone – we had one lady at the airport that waited until I went to the shop to come over and chat to him, and when I returned she went back to her seat.  She did tell him she had a son of her own.  So there is a common interest between mums and dads.

He has also been invited over to have “playdates” with one of our neighbours and her kids – although at the time, we felt that would be wrong as we hadn’t met her Husband – and wasn’t sure if there was a Husband – so we wondered if she was trying to pick him up.  Obviously we are just as bad as the mothers at the park.  We are par taking in street politics now.

  

All jokes aside, my other theory is that his status or job title is threatening because these Mum’s realise in the same way that I have begun to realise that parenting isn’t just a role for the mother it is a role for the Parents.  We still find people’s reactions to our situation is a little confused.  It is hard for them to sometimes comprehend - I am at work, my husband is a House Husband – and we think there are lot of fathers out there that envy this set up and would love to be in the same situation and a lot of mums that don't want to give it up!

An old boss of mine and his wife have 3 kids and she would have a baby and take a year off then he would take the next year off then she would fall pregnant, have the next baby and do the same – they are both back at full time work now as the kids are nearly at or started school.  So we are not the first to use this arrangement, but sometimes it still feels like we are.

Who would have thought that a trip to the park was so political.

Dental records

I recently went to the Dentist for my 6 monthly check up.  It had been about 18 months since my last visit, but in my mind I was there for a 6 month check up.  If I wrote a policy and procedure for my life, I would go to the dentist every 6 months.  If I was to enforce the policy on myself my dentist could upgrade his car after making more money out of me.

Actually, my dentist and his dentist friends have made a lot of money out of my husband in recent years – not so much me.  I am a little bit of a disappointment to the dental community.  I will give you a dental history for myself, it may come in handy if I am in some terrible accident and they need to identify me by my dental records.  

Ok my dental history, I had braces when I was a teenager – I know it is suppose to be a rite of passage, however having braces when you have just started high school and have so many other events in your life to transition you through to pretend adulthood (I am still in denial about being an adult – all grown up and responsible for another person) is just cruel – I don’t think the braces really helped me become an adult – I am still trying to relate the event of those elastics springing out of your mouth after opening too wide to any adult experiences.  I had to get 4 teeth removed to have the braces – “to make room for my teeth to straighten up”.  I remember while having the teeth extracted under that spotlight and wearing those ugly oversized glasses, my mother and the orthodontist having a conversation about what a shame it was to have to remove 4 perfectly good teeth.  I remember thinking well don’t do it.  So that was my life lesson in preparation for loosing things in life that you have some control over, but not full control over, and having to say good bye to something that you really don’t want too.  Maybe learning to wear the plate every night after the braces were removed prepared me for routine and commitment – oh crap I just remembered I gave up wearing the plate after a couple of weeks – because it was removable and there was no dentist standing there each night telling me to wear it – otherwise your teeth really will move.

So painful tooth extraction of 4 perfectly good teeth, humiliation of being called metal mouth and a cut tongue and lips from braces and a horrid plate later – I was already scarred by the dentist experience and I was only 14!  I started to avoid those 6 monthly check ups as much as I could.  I didn’t need a dentist to clean and floss my teeth, I could manage my teeth myself – after all I was becoming an adult and having braces was my rite of passage into adulthood.  I avoided the dentist until I was about 21.  I found a dentist that was highly recommended (as my previous dentist had retired on my payment for braces and teeth extractions) and after hearing so many horror stories of people not getting their teeth checked and experiencing a slight jaw ache, I made an appointment.

The dentist was lovely – and very complimentary about my teeth and their condition.  I don’t think he believed that I hadn’t been to a dentist for about 7 years.  Anyway, I was no good for his retirement plan, as he could find no teeth that needed filling, all he could do was give me advice to never drink Orange juice, soft drinks or sweets – brush regularly, see him every 6 months, oh and a referral to a specialists to remove my wisdom teeth.

You can imagine my surprise after being told that I had very good teeth to be told that I had double impacted wisdom teeth that would need to be removed as a day surgery procedure.  Are you kidding.  More teeth being taken out and I have never been to hospital!  I met with the surgeon – who wore a bow tie – that could be a whole other blog article in itself.  Anyway he was very serious, despite the bow tie, and very matter of fact.  He reviewed my X-rays and said right the top ones are very close to your sinus nerves – so we could have some problems if I touch them.  I said well you won’t touch them will you?  He didn’t answer – he was doing that medical practitioner thing where they talk out loud about you, but don’t really want you to hear, and when you question them, they tell you not to panic, like you have been over reacting about hearing someone say they could cut a nerve that for all I know could stop me from smelling for the rest of my life.

Anyway, so I had the teeth out in a horrible procedure that left me swollen and in more pain than I had ever experienced before mentioning a sore jaw to the dentist.  I did get to eat a lot of ice cream which I am still love – mash potatoes however, I can’t eat mash anymore!  The experience also left me broke – who knew that having to go to a hospital for day surgery with a surgeon and an anaesthetist would cost so much – but not to worry, my health fund will pay – wrong – so after having to stop my health fund to be able to pay off my medical teams new cars, I was lighter in the teeth and wallet department.

Needless to say it was another 7 years before I visited the dentist again.  This time I was just about to head out to the UK on my travel rite of passage – the one that would open me up to the European culture and experience ancient historical sites and shop and party with all the other Aussies that were making the most of getting the no questions asked 2 year visa before you are 30 deal.  And having just seen the movie “Cast Away” with Tom Hanks where he experienced some dental problems on the tropical island that he was staying at with his friend Wilson.  I had noticed some marks on the bottom of my bottom molars and thought this is it – I am going to have to have more teeth removed or filled. 

This time I didn’t care for recommendations, so just went with the health fund dentist – I figured it would have to be cheaper.  I had joined a health fund again – after our lovely government decided to start taxing us if we weren’t in one.  So I rock up expecting the worse – only to be told that the markings were a result of cleaning my teeth too much!  Can you believe it – I hardly have any teeth left – and the ones I do have, I have been cleaning too much!

So I switched to an electric tooth brush on the dentist recommendations and took his advice to never drink Orange juice, soft drinks or sweets and smiled when he said he would see me in 6 months.  Now he was very pleasant looking and didn’t extract any teeth or fill any teeth – so bargained with myself and thought I could probably see him once a year (6 months was too much of a commitment) unless he wanted to invite me on a date – oh did I just type that.

I need to set the record straight – I did not date my dentist.  I meet my wonderful now husband and dated him instead.  He was a better choice – he is not qualified to extract teeth from me.  So back to the beginning of my blog – I went for my check up because I have been experiencing some jaw aching – similar to the ache prior to the wisdom teeth being extracted.  So this time I was convinced that I was going to require some fillings or remove the teeth that I had previously cleaned too much.  In addition to this I had noticed a slight gap appearing in the front of my teeth.

So I off I went – I was welcomed by my friendly dentist who is now also married, but I am allowed to say he is still very pleasant looking.  He listened to my ailments and then had a look at my teeth and said they were in perfect condition.  He asked if I had been stressed – he thought that I may be clenching my teeth.  He also said that he thinks that my teeth are starting to move because I had so many teeth extracted and I am clenching my teeth.

So I set out on my journey home and tried to work out if I was stressed – returning to work, having a semi important job, being sleep deprived, just being a mother in general – I guess I am a little stressed at time.

Last night as I was washing up and cleaning the kitchen, I realised I was clenching my teeth.  I hate washing up – I love housework – but only when I can keep it tidy by regular maintenance.  Being at work all day – then returning home, I return to my wonderful House Husband and beautiful daughter who is absolute delight and a blessing, but has not inherited any of my cleaning genes or germ phobias.  You may have guessed it she has inherited my husbands spirit of adventure and ability to look pass the mess and continue to enjoy life.  I have no doubt that my daughter and her Daddy have a fantastic and fun filled day each day while I am at work – cause I can see everything they have played with during the day left where ever the game finished.  They are very consider too they don’t make me waste my voice to ask what they had for lunch – they leave the dishes in the sink for me.

Don’t get me wrong – my husband does offer to wash up during the day – but I am such a control freak that I don’t let him – cause he can’t possible wash up the way I like!  Having said that – he doesn’t fight me on the topic – hence the dishes in the sink.

I have spent a lot of last night and this morning self talking and I am left with the consideration that if I don’t relax my control freak streak and accept the mess and the washing up – I will continue to clench my teeth so much that I will form a huge gap in my teeth, require cosmetic dentistry and have to get a second job to pay for it all – so would a dishwasher cost less that cosmetic surgery?

I think I need a dishwasher. 

Now back to my diet of soft drink and sweets and I start every day with Orange Juice – I always have – which has resulted in my one and only party trick being that I am nearly 40 and I still have no fillings!  I even beat my dentist – he has some fillings – obviously not drinking enough soft drinks or eating enough chocolate.

Bridget Jones' Diary meets Offspring

I have finally managed to find my way around my blog page and test out all the different settings and I am feeling a lot more comfortable with it now.

I am looking forward to sharing my thoughts via my blog – I am sure there will be some ranting, but I will try and keep that to a minimum.  I am hoping that my blog will act as many blogs do for other bloggers as a cathartic way to express my thoughts like an online diary with the key left in the diary's padlock for anyone to come and see.

I recently watched Bridget Jones’ Diary – one of my all time favourite movies and it got me thinking  how a diary is such a great way of working through your thoughts and problems – I am just not sure that my thoughts or problems are as humorous or dramatic as Bridget Jones’ – or maybe they are.  My husband recently watched an episode of Offspring with me – another show that I love and am disappointed it is in season hiatus at the moment.  For those who have watched it you will understand the “self talking” episodes that the character Nina experiences.  My Husband asked me if I experience episodes like that – and I had to admit I do – I assured him that mine weren’t anywhere near as dramatic as hers – but I do run a lot of things around in my head (probably way too much).

Recently while cleaning my teeth and watching my daughter play with my phone I went through a scenario discussing with myself or questioning if I should have the phone pin locked or not – my very complex discussion with myself – showed me putting my daughter into her carseat and then somehow falling and hitting my head and her escaping from her car seat.  Luckily my scenario showed some kind neighbours coming to my rescue and finding my phone to call my husband, only to be confronted by my pin lock.  I then decided not to use the pin lock anymore.

I am also hoping that my blogging will teach me to touch type again – I used to be very efficient however, after having a year off work and only swiping on my Iphone or using the virtual keypad to update my Facebook status – I have lost my typing edge.  I blame losing my “edge” on so many scenarios on sleep deprivation.  I have been suffering from sleep deprivation for a year now.  I know it is a curable issue – get more sleep – but like many mothers – there is just not enough time in the day to nap and there are little Princes or Princesses all over the world that are stopping us from having a full night’s sleep.  Broken sleep is such a horrible experience that is now becoming the norm for me, and it is not the caffeine that gets me through the day it is the smiling face of my little Princess who is doubling as a very unpredictable alarm clock that only seems to give the option of ringing anytime between 4am and 5am – with the occasional 1am call out just to check we haven’t left her to go live on a tropical island without her.

Dinner

Baby is feed, bathed and alseep  - so time to prepare dinner for Hubby and I - done - pizza should be here in about 30mins.